7/26/17

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Some late summer thoughts on friendships, and the future.

~ I think it happens about once every year. For as long as I can remember, my friend group changes. Nothing really happens, there’s no huge fight or drama, we just eventually stop talking. I feel like there’s been a dozen times where I’ve made plans with the person – plans are set in stone minus one key detail (location or time). I texted last so I think, “it’s their turn to text me about this detail!” and nobody responds so then nothing happens.

I always saw people in middle and high school in cliques, and I honestly never fit in one. I feel like I had one friend from several different cliques, and none of my friends ever hung out together and it’s like all of the rest of my friends still have their big groups and are very close going on 6 years after finishing high school. I kind of feel like now is a good time for me to move on because…

 

~  I’ve been so nervous and anxious… It’s been my dream ever since I was 12 and everyone knows it. And for the first time in my life I finally feel like I’m in control of decisions. I didn’t get to chose where I went to college, if I got to move out, if I wanted to work or not…. I went to the community college where my parents told me to go, I lived in my crowded house, and I worked a combination of 15 jobs over 6 years….And I hated absolutely every second of it! I didn’t have the opportunity to join clubs at my university because I was always coming to and from work. I made friends in classes, and as soon as the semester ended, without fail, we’d never talk again. I feel like applying to teach abroad is my ticket out of this hole, and while I’m so completely excited for the possibility, I’m also terrified. You don’t spend you entire sheltered life dreaming to get out and NOT be scared.

We’ll see what happens.

-A

PS. I’ve begun my photography journey this summer.

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